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Actress Cynthia Nixon (probably most well know for her role as "Miranda" in Sex & the City) was recently featured in The New York Times. Nixon explained that she believes her homosexuality is a choice. This left me flabbergasted. She readily admits that being gay may not be a choice for others but it has been for her. Below is the direct quote from The New York Times article.
“I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.” Her face was red and her arms were waving. “As you can tell,” she said, “I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with.”
What's difficult here is that so many of our gay brothers and sisters have been struggling to exist peacefully in this heterosexist world. We have all been told that being gay is not only sinful but it is a choice. Neither statement could be farther from the truth. Many of us know this.
So, understandably Nixon's statement is concerning. She's already received much criticism from various media outlets from LGBTQI communities.
Although, Nixon's views seem really out there, I was not quick to dismiss her. This is HER life, her journey. I am not gay and I do not know what it is like to be gay in a heterosexist world. I am privileged as a straight woman and have the luxury of having known all along which gender I am attracted to. Some gay individuals know this from the get-go and others do not. Being a straight woman I have never been shamed by society for desiring men.
So, basically I allowed the initial shock to subside, I picked up my slack jaw from off the floor, and I told myself to sit down and shut up. I allowed myself to respond rather than react. That's always important. I read her words again.
The first time I read the above piece, I felt shocked, confused and upset being that I have always whole heartedly believed that being gay is not a choice. It's important for us as a collective to understand that those born gay, are born gay.
Nixon's story appears to be unique, and because of this, it might be easy to just foist a new label onto her and insist that she is actually bi-sexual. It certainly would make things easier for us to understand. But ultimately we do not know if she is bi-sexual and when it comes down to it, it is not our business. It's not her job to make her words easier for us to understand.
Nixon did choose to speak up about her choice. She chose to share this with the world. But she has told us all she wanted to, it seems. She has not elaborated as to why she made the choice to be gay. So, in other words, we don't have the full story and we may never. We can scratch our heads and try to make sense of it for our own piece of mind. I think it's perfectly okay to be confused, but I think it's even more important to understand that she is a person in love who knows what she wants. As I said earlier, it is HER journey, not ours.
In 2010, The Advocate ran a piece on Nixon:
Nixon said of her fiancee: “She’s like a short man with boobs. A lot of what I love about her is her butchness. I’m not saying I fell in love with her in a sexually neutral way. I love her sexuality — it’s a big part of what I love about her — but I feel like it was her.”
Since coming out, the actress has been honored for her work campaigning gay rights, recently winning a GLAAD award.
She said: “I identify as gay as a political stance. If anybody, prior to my meeting and falling in love with Christine, had asked me about what I think about sexuality, I would have said I think we’re all bisexual.
“But I had that point of view without ever having felt attracted to a woman. I had never met a woman I was attracted to [before Christine]. And maybe if I’d met her when I was 20, I would have fallen in love and only dated women. But maybe if I’d met her at 20, I wouldn’t have responded at all. Who knows?”
In a 2008 interview with The Telegraph, Nixon divulged that, “In terms of sexual orientation I don’t really feel I’ve changed. I don’t feel there was a hidden part of my sexuality that I wasn’t aware of. I’d been with men all my life, and I’d never fallen in love with a woman. But when I did, it didn’t seem so strange. I’m just a woman in love with another woman.”
I don't think that Nixon is necessarily setting the gay community back, but I do think that it will take some open minds to understand what she is telling us. And the gay community knows better than a straight person such as myself, that open minds are hard to come by. So, it makes sense to me that there is some controversy. Asking questions about gender and love is always progressive. Hopefully it will lead to a better understanding of ourselves. We have the freedom to agree or disagree with Nixon's statements just as she is free to make those statements. If we are to get anything out of this, I hope this prompts an explorlative discussion.
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