An article on the topic of name changes when one marries was brought to my attention. The article is entitled Against the Name Change: A Polemic by M. Leblanc and is posted on Bitch Phd (although the blog is a feminist blog I must say that embracing the word Bitch is a sexist act).
I wrote a post of my own long ago entitled Musings on Marriage where amongst other things I address the topic of name changes. If you're interested click on the grey boldfaced link above.
In the post Leblanc lists her own arguments against name changing. She sets her arguments against many popular arguments in favor of name changing.
Within this post I'd like to restate my reasons for not wishing to change my last name if I chose to marry and and also list a few of Leblanc's arguments which made a lot of sense to me.
First I'd like to state that if I marry my choice will be carried out simply because I wish to be considered "next of kin" to my husband. I feel it is an important decision to make as a couple ages.
1) My Name: I believe that my last name is my own. Yes, it may also be my fathers last name but it is the name I was born with and therefore a part of my specific culture. Whether a future husband may share a similar culture with me or not is beside the issue. I wish to keep my birth name.
2) Tradition: I think it's important for individuals to take the time to think about why women change their last names to begin with. The act stems from tradition. In earlier times a last name change was meant to assist in maintaining family wealth. Some argue that taking on a new name is honoring the union of marriage and honoring God.
I would say that a strategic move to protect wealth is one thing but actually succumbing to the idea that one must abandon their last name entirely is another. As far as honoring God I've got to say that my choice to honor God does not have to entail abandoning who I am in attempts to unite with a loved one.
3) He Can Change it or I Can Hyphenate it: Yes, there are some men who choose to change their last names to their wife's last name. I'm not sure what this accomplishes. It may seem like a hip, alternative move but really it is the same act of changing a person's background by name. In an attempt to be different or even feminist these individuals are actually wrapping up the same box in a different bow.
Hyphenating a last name keeps the husbands name and therefore defeats the purpose of remaining solely who you are. Keeping one's last name is not a form of rejecting a husband. It does not mean that the two are any less of a union.
A few from M. Leblanc's list:
2. I'm not that attached to my name. That's because you were born into a culture where women are expected to change their names upon getting married, where an unmarried woman is regarded as an incomplete person who hasn't really grown up yet. Ever heard a man say "I'm not that attached to my name"? Maybe, but you don't see them saying that and then deciding to just give it up. No, what you are doing is you are using this as a justification for a default rule which, as we all know, is bogus.
3b. I want to have the same name as my children. I actually don't think this is a valid reason. Why is it necessary to have the same name as your kids? No one has ever been able to give me a straight answer. Where I come from, which is a culture way more patriarchal than this one, kids don't have the same name as their fathers OR their mothers. A child takes his dad's first name as his last name. And yet! There is no family destruction! Somehow, everyone knows who is related to who. The schools do not implode because they can't figure out which parents and which kids go together. I think this need is an excellent demonstration of burgeoning American anxiety about the new cultural reality: there are many different kinds of families, lots of step-parents and divorces and legal guardians. Thus, people want to have the same names to reassure themselves that they belong together. No, unlike all those other things, this is real. It's a way of signaling that your bond with your kids is biological or "real" in a world with a lot of fluid families. But when you support the notion that biology is the most important factor in forming a family, you are supporting a harmful status quo that privileges heterosexual, married, biological families. I want all kinds of families to get social, political, and economic support and validation. Don't you?
There also seems to be this bizarre aversion to answering questions. "People will be confused," the name changers say. So what? It's a confusion that is really easy to clear up. If you are named Mary Smith and your daughter is named Candice Jones, and someone cocks an eye at you, you just say "I kept my name when I got married." EASY. Or whatever short explanation applies to whatever you decided to do. See how easy that was? The world did not fall apart. You are going to get questions that are way more annoying that that from the kid that you just had. Frankly, I think that a lot of the reason that women who changed or are planning to change their names get angry at people who are anti-name-change, like me, is because they picked the choice that they thought they would never have to defend, and not having to defend it was a major draw. It seems like the easy choice. I get that. But that doesn't make it the right one.
4. I want to change my name to show my husband that I love him. I don't even know what to say about this one. I don't understand why you need to change part of your identity, the name you are known by, how you think of yourself, for love. Aren't you showing him you love him by getting married, by agreeing that you want to spend a non-insubstantial part of your time, energy, and money for your entire life on him?
5. I want the world to know that we're a unit. Great! I don't see why you're going to need to change your name for this. Once again, him changing his name would accomplish the exact same thing, and I don't see this argument being used to support men changing their names. But, to be honest, I think having the same name is kind of a ridiculous litmus test for people being a unit. People are going to know you're a unit, no matter what you are named. Because you are going to show up at a party, or a family reunion, or at the parent teacher conference, and you are going to say "This is my husband, Joe." Done! Everyone knows. How you act, what you do together, and the fact that you love each other is going to be way more important than what you're named. As I explained about, the notion that you need to have the same name to be regarded as a unit is an improper, illiberal, unjust privileging of married heterosexual families and partnerships over all other kinds of families and partnerships, a privilege I reject.
6. It reminds me of my commitment. This is another one I don't get. Do you really need a reminder? Are you going to forget that you are married? Are you that worried about your ability to stay monogamous (if, indeed, monogamy is your goal. It isn't mine, but I realize a lot of people prefer it)? No, again, this is another bogus reason that is used to support the default. Men do not need to change their names to remember that they are married. Why do you need to?
To read the rest of Leblanc's list click here. Her tone is a little more aggressive than my style but I agree most of her opinions none the less.
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